Children and Teens

Building Self-Esteem in Children and Teens

By HealSpace Clinical Team Reviewed by Jessica Kristel Toledo, MSc, RPsy Published October 27, 2026 Last reviewed October 27, 2026

What is self-esteem?

Self-esteem is the opinion we hold of ourselves. Children with healthy self-esteem tend to feel liked, accepted and confident. They are more willing to try new things and to bounce back from mistakes. Children with low self-esteem are more likely to criticize themselves and doubt that they can do things well.

Healthy self-esteem is not the same as thinking you are better than everyone else. It is a steady sense that you are worth caring about, even when you fail at something.

Why it matters for mental health

Low self-esteem often starts in childhood and is shaped by the messages young people get from family, teachers, friends and the media. When it lasts a long time, it can harm mental health and contribute to problems such as depression and anxiety. Avoiding challenges may feel safer in the moment, but over time it can make self-doubt stronger.

This matters because mental health conditions are common in young people. The World Health Organization estimates that one in seven 10 to 19 year olds worldwide experience a mental health condition, and that most of these go unrecognized and untreated. The WHO also names supportive environments at home, in school and in the community, along with skills in coping, problem-solving and managing emotions, as things that protect young people’s mental health.

Signs a child or teen may be struggling with self-esteem

The American Academy of Pediatrics lists signs that may point to low self-esteem. A child or teen may:

• Avoid new tasks or challenges without even trying, or give up at the first sign of frustration.
• Say critical things about themselves, such as “I never do anything right.”
• Make excuses, blame others, or act as if things they used to care about no longer matter.
• Have trouble accepting either praise or criticism, or worry a lot about what others think of them.
• Pull away from friends, lose interest in usual activities, or show falling grades.
• Show changing moods, such as sadness, crying, angry outbursts or withdrawal.
• Become bossy or controlling, which can hide feelings of being not good enough.
• Be easily pulled along by negative peers.

One sign on its own is not a cause for alarm; every child has bad days. What matters is a pattern that lasts or keeps getting worse.

Everyday ways parents can help

The good news is that parents’ words and actions are among the strongest influences on a child’s self-esteem. Practical steps include:

• Show that your love has no conditions. Say “I love you” out loud, not only through what you provide. When you correct a behavior, make it clear that your love does not depend on it.
• Praise effort, not just results. Notice hard work, progress and good choices, even small ones. Avoid harsh criticism and belittling comments.
• Skip the comparisons. Comparing a child unfavorably with a sibling, cousin or classmate can make them feel worthless, even when it is meant to motivate.
• Let them try, struggle and decide. Give age-appropriate chores and choices. Let them do things on their own, and treat mistakes as part of learning.
• Spend one-on-one time. Activities where there is no winner or loser, and family meals where you really listen, help children feel important.
• Listen without judging. Accept their feelings even when you disagree with their choices.
• Be a role model. Children notice how you talk about yourself, your body and your mistakes. Be kind to yourself, too.

Change usually takes months or even years. Keep noticing your child’s efforts, even when progress feels slow.

Social media, body image and self-esteem

For many teens, self-esteem is now also shaped online. The American Academy of Pediatrics notes that picture-perfect selfies and edited videos can shake a young person’s confidence, and that young people who compare their real lives with edited images may feel anxious, envious or preoccupied. Recommendation feeds can keep showing more of the same content, and heavy use can crowd out sleep, schoolwork and family time. The effect is different for every child.

Instead of only banning apps, talk openly and without judgment. Ask what they watch and how it makes them feel, listen more than you talk, explain how filters and editing work, and set screen-time limits together.

When extra support is needed

Seek help from a mental health professional if:

• Your child doesn’t respond to your efforts over time, or low self-esteem is getting in the way of school, friendships or family life.
• You notice big changes in eating, extreme or obsessive exercise, or worry about weight and shape.
• They have trouble sleeping, worry constantly, or withdraw to their room much more than usual.
• They have lost interest in friends or activities they used to enjoy, or seem sad most of the time.
• They talk about hurting themselves or not wanting to live.

Talking therapies such as counseling and cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) can help people work on low self-esteem. Reaching out early is a sign of good parenting, not failure. If shame or worry about what others will say is holding your family back, our article on mental health stigma in the Philippines may help.

Frequently asked questions

Helping them believe in themselves

No parent gets this right every day, and no child needs a perfect parent. What helps most is a steady message, in words and in actions: “I love you as you are, and I believe in you.” Small moments of listening, encouragement and patience add up over time.

If you are worried about your child or teen, or if you are a young person who often feels not good enough, you don’t have to figure it out alone. Reaching out to talk with someone is a strong and caring first step.

Clinically reviewed by Jessica Kristel Toledo, MSc, RPsy
Senior Psychologist at HealSpace Psychological Clinic. Areas of practice include self-esteem and identity, academic and school-related stress, and eating and body image.